Haha, I don’t have anything to say except my sleep routine’s out for a break and heaven has broken loose at my place. In that sense, tomorrow being any better than today seems out of question. I was extremely sleepy in the evening but now, I’m surprisingly refreshed. I’m being pushed to the edge of wakefulness but my thoughts keep me from falling off, the only thing I wish for right now. However, I need to come to a conclusion that though sleep is something my body needs, the wish to sleep only comes in waves. I still don’t know how to expect myself to wake up at 7 after going to bed at 4 but if I miraculously do wake up at 4, I don’t go to bed early, so it’s an uphill battle every single day for a long time. The only way out of this seems to be to slowly move the alarm earlier.
Coming to the actual quote, this is something that seems totally out of blue. Everyone goes on living hoping the next day will be better than the previous and life gets easier as you get older. Telling someone tomorrow’s going to be worse sounds equivalent to telling life’s only going to get more difficult as time passes. Sounds like living is a battle to death, but unlike a video game, once you reach the end, there is no prize. Is there? Treating life as a video game with the goal as death sounds cool, but it’s a reverse game with most trying to run away from it rather than towards it; since one can always take a shortcut if so. This leads to another question – which has a direct, stupid and uninteresting answer – ‘What is the purpose of life?’. This topic has been studied extensively and the conclusion presented by the people who write about is the same as ever, that life has no meaning and what we do gives it meaning.
how convenient
So, let me frame the question in a better way so that I find the answer I need – “What’s stopping me from killing myself already?”. It couldn’t just be the fear of death that everyone has by instinct or the fact killing oneself is quite inconvenient and bothersome in modern times; it’s after all a one-time decision in most cases. And does the answer apply to everyone – provided it exists – and if so, what is it? This also relates to an essay I read on ‘What is a life worth living?’ where the author tells every life is worth living. I will get back to that someday in the future since I don’t have enough thoughts to form a coherent argument. But I am sure I disagree with it.
Moving on, following from a conversation I had, I came to a solution for myself if not for everyone. Unlike Russell, who talks about knowledge and eternal desires, our conclusion was neither mystic nor stoic. But there’s one statement to be agreed with, life is not a point of time but a flow through time. Hence to have a meaningful life, every point in time should be made as meaningful as possible, and efforts to be made with enough foresight to make sure the sum total is as high as possible, which can sometimes lead to lower values of meaning at certain points in time. The number of variables that affect this is high. Understanding what humans need and what they want, how to provide them with it and how to make sure this continues throughout time are a lot of things to consider. Many speak about a sense of purpose, something which excites an individual. Leaving it to the individual to decide what excites them makes life easier. And it is easy to work from there. I think I read this in a book – The Undefeated Mind. I’ll put a summary sometime. Another important thing to work through is how to make sure what we do in the present is the best decision considering the future. And as I will figure out later, something which is truly the best decision as of now, how likely is it the decision is going to be the best decision that could have been taken? And how likely is it that an individual can change their living?
Coming to the conclusion. First, what gets me excited. Anything I am curious about. Unfortunately, unlike the mainstream talks about having a passion for something, I don’t have any (maybe making smartass comments is one). Randomness isn’t a pain, it’s what gives the excitement in life. Embracing it rather than shunning it relieves the cognitive dissonance. Next, few things to be considered. One, the past cannot be changed. Wishful thinking doesn’t change the future. The only thing regarding time that can be changed is the present. Next, there are external factors that affect a person more than what is talked about. The location, economic status, the world’s story are some factors that cannot be changed by the person immediately and quickly. Internal factors are easier to change but the right guide is needed.
The ambiguity of the future can stop one from doing what is needed but is counterproductive since it takes the current situation nowhere. So, first, having some momentum in life is important as well as not clinging to comfort and taking the best possible decision irrespective of discomfort. Second, sometimes, necessary sacrifices need to be made for a better long term solution. How to predict what is the best solution, I’ll leave it for another day.
Life's a ballad Walking through the fields, I saw a flower among the others, bright red in colour. Floating freely, they, far from worry, said turn to me, face me, you, look at me my friend. I woke up, confused by the meadow, took my keys and left my house, I have to go far far ahead. I look at the flowers on the pavement, a bright yellow, not a dulling lifeless concrete brick head. A bunch of kids frolicking on their way to a place unknown, on a wintery day. They knew for sure, what life was about, unlike the flowers in my dream's bout. Form a circle, dance around, life's a ballad, sing aloud. The silent night's a stranger's dream, allure of a mystic shine. Grab my hand, oh lifeless queen, let's go on a trip divine.